I may be a raptor

At least, that’s what I assume the perception is from the general population, since everywhere I walk I make these high-pitched retching sounds. No vomit, ever, just constant public retching.

Last night, we were coming up the stairs from our underground parking, and as we reached the top (I was walking behind El Vego) I started freaking out and retching, and accusing him of farting in my face. He hadn’t, to be clear, but rather, Orem was wafting a particularly sewer-y stench last night. However, the girl behind us only heard me shrieking “You farted in my face!” followed by retching all the way up to our apartment.

Today, on one of my many walks across campus, I was walking alone across what is ultimately a big tunnel, which means that as I started my violent noise seizures, the dry-heaving echoed from one end to another, and I walked, raptor-like through it, trying to avoid eye contact with the 3 people I had to walk by making my barf noises.

It works a lot better when you’re not alone, because at least you have someone to rub your back and show the world that there is actually something wrong(ish) rather than just being the creepy raptor girl that makes dry-heaver noises as she passes by…

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “I may be a raptor

  1. Jennie

    I’ll walk with you. I can talk really loud over the retching sounds and so people could think you are just laughing and hunched over in hysterical agony? yeah, I’m not funny. but who knows? we could give it a try.

  2. i like that idea…i’m not fake-barfing, i’m laughing!

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