Did you know you have made my guts all kind of weird? (My head, too). For instance, right now, all I want is a combination of cereal and meat. I don’t even think that exists. I don’t know if I want them together, but I just had some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and I want more, but with, you know, more meat.
The other night you gave me porny dreams about food. I wasn’t having sex w/ the food, and the food wasn’t having sex, it just looked so…porn-y. Like, you know on TV when they make cheeseburgers seem sexy. It was like that, only with red bell peppers, cherries, grapes, watermelon and apples. I’m pretty sure I was just thirsty, but man. I would have done ANYTHING to get any one of those things in my gut.
On Sunday, you made me hungry enough to eat at Arby’s. Do you hear that, baby? ARBY’S. Granted, I ended up throwing away most of the bread and eating that delicious, overly processed pseudo-meat (don’t hate. I can’t control this).
You like Indian food. And Papa Murphy’s pizza (but only with their creamy garlic sauce. Red sauce can suck it). You like water. You LOVE water. You make me drink it by the gallon, and I mean that literally. I probably drink more than a gallon a day. You are fond of McDonald’s Double Cheeseburgers, plain, but with pickles, and chicken mcnuggets, no sauce (why do you hate sauce, baby? It’s so delicious!). Oh, and Ben and Jerry’s Peach Cobbler ice cream. These have been the only cravings so far, but, I look forward to what you have in store for me.
Please don’t let me get fatter on junk food, only baby.