So, one of the things that I have learned to love about Clomid is the sense of floating/out of body experience I have when the Crazies come. I know that sounds a little bit insane, but now that I know to expect it, I can step back and say, “I can’t control this, just let it go through me.” It’s an emotional rollercoaster, but the ride doesn’t have to be so bad, I’ve decided. I can accept the fact that I’m going to feel sad/angry/depressed/giddy at any moment and just relish that surprise. It certainly doesn’t feel that way in the moment, but the second I can see “this is Clomid crazy, not real life crazy” I relax a bit, and just let the emotions come.
I had this happen this morning. I was being pretty bitchy to everyone, and then my husband brought me some cookies to make me feel better (In my defense of bitchiness, he did say that I looked like Roy Orbison, someon who I find both physically and aurally repellant) and I had this rush of “Oh I’m such a bitch” sadness. Then it was…”Nope, I am crazy.” And 2 minutes later I was fine.
I’m hoping I can keep this clear headedness as the deeper and darker crazies are bound to emerge this weekend. Fingers crossed.