I hate coming up with titles

Yeah, so I’ve been off the radar for a few days. No news to tell, other than I started my 100 mg of Clomid and am now on day 5. No side effects, but I always get them after the fact anyway, so get ready!

My family had to put down one of our dogs this week. Toby was a big, black German Shepard, dumb as a rock, but sweet as a baby (which he kind of thought he was. Regardless of his 100 lb. weight, he wanted to be up on  your lap). He’s had some major hip problems that have kept him from being able to get around very well (which they found out were due to a spinal cord injury he’s had for a good portion of his life…so sad.) and he got pneumonia over the weekend. So, they had to say goodbye. I don’t know how it is for other people, but our dogs are part of our family. Toby was my brother’s dog, but he was also kind of like a brother. He was younger than our Golden Retriever (my dog) and now I just feel really sad for my Mickey having to be without her brother. I don’t know how I’m going to deal when she goes, because I’ve been a pretty big wreck this one.

I was looking through Fertility Friend the other day (I’m pretty sporadic about that all right now, I’ll be consistent starting day 10…tomorrow. Shit.) and realized that this last week was my miscarriage a year ago. Like I’ve said before, I don’t talk much about them, and I kind of put them out of my life, don’t keep record of them, and so it’s weird and painful to be reminded of them. I probably don’t deal with them in the healthiest way (avoidance!) but, I feel like I’ve got enough dramz and sadness to deal with. I should probably talk to someone about them, or at least allow myself to freak out a little more. So yeah, it was really trippy to look at my old FF calendar and see it all charted out for me. I’m really glad I didn’t know until after the fact, but it’s still pretty overwhelming to think about.

Wow. Maybs the Clomid has kicked in. I’m nothing but rainclouds and shit sandwiches (that sounds pretty depressing, right?). God help us with what is to come…

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5 Comments

Filed under clomid, crazy, depression

5 responses to “I hate coming up with titles

  1. songofsarai

    I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with so much lately — I’ve been there, when it rains it pours!

    I’m on the 100mg Clomid, as well — hot flashes started today (yippee!!) 🙂 I always get really weepy after I’ve finished them… the things we do to TTC…

    I hope things get better for you soon.

  2. Low Fat Lady

    *hugs* I’m sorry about your family’s dog and your m/c. I hope the Clomid doesn’t give you too many side effects and you have a better day tomorrow.

  3. Wishing you luck. My baby is a Clomid baby conceived after a m/c. I had terrible hot flashes with clomid as well

  4. It’s kind of hard to be all perky and cheery when you lost your family friend and are looking at a past loss that is still very relevant.

    Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss–some women memorialize them as lost children, some women (like me) just feel the sorrow as something a bit more nebulous. Avoidance is not always the worst option. Sometimes these things come up and ask to be dealt with in their own time.

    Sending hugs and wishes for a good weekend your way.

  5. Jennie

    Please, freak out and let me just hug the hell out of you.

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