So, I normally do pretty well w/ the whole being around babies thing. I mean, in my community, it’s pretty hard to escape.  My dearest friends all have babies, and it helps keep the aches at bay to be able to cuddle and love on the babies in my life with reckless abandon. I even do ok around the pregnants around me. I don’t mind talking breast feeding or mucus plugs or braxton hicks or any of those things. I just tell myself that my time is coming and to get as much information as I can.

But sometimes (and usually when I’m on hormones) I can’t take it. Today was one of those days, it seemed like everywhere I went there were babies and pregnant people. Including places that I would expect to be more “adult” type places. Not like bars or porn stores or anything, but at an outdoor play (in the freeeeeeeezing mountains at 8 PM) or just OUT at 10. I try to stay out of places I KNOW will trigger me, and I realize that sometimes it’s unavoidable (grocery store, mall, etc.).

I  don’t know why I’m even writing this. Maybe because I want to know how to deal w/ the pain. Or figure out why it hurts to see/hear about something so amazing. I don’t like feeling envious, and I don’t know how to combat it.

I’m sure I’ll be ok in a week or two (I’m being realistic about the way my body reacts to Clomid), I hope so, or I’m going to have to move. Or at least become a hermit.

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9 Comments

Filed under clomid, clomid diary, crazy

9 responses to “

  1. M

    I’m sorry to say that I have no answers for you there… In fact, it sounds like you are in a better place then I am! After 3 years, I still can get upset by the ‘belly’. Somedays it is easier to cope than others, but on those days I try to just hide myself away. I’ve given up trying to fight with the feeling. I *am* envious… This doesn’t mean that I’m not glad for other people, just that I’m also sad for myself. (At least, that’s how I rationalize.)

    ICLW

  2. Stopping by via the ICLW links 🙂

    I took clomid too, to deal with secondary infertility… the first round of clomid I took was 3 cycles, it worked on the 3rd cycle. The second round, I got pregnant the first cycle and m/c .. and then ended up taking 3 more cycles with no luck. The 3rd round – I got pregnant the first cycle and that would be my youngest baby who’ll be one in a few weeks.

    But I remember those feelings of … is there even a word for it? Walking through the mall seeing a pregnant woman every 5 seconds, or a baby … what made them so special? My family wasn’t completely, and here I was fighting 5 years of infertility with miscarriages just to get a second child! My friends were all getting pregnant and I was truly happy for them, but I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

    Anyway – I feel your pain … I’ve been there! {{HUGS}}

  3. I wish I had the right answers for you, unfortunately I haven’t found them myself, either.

    It comes and goes for me. Some days/weeks/months/years are better than others.

    ((Hugs))

  4. Empathy!

    Is there a way to deal with it? If I had it, I would write it in a book, you know!

    Hang on!

    ICLW

  5. Oh I hate those hormone days!!! Its like your standing outside yourself watching your hormonal self go nuts over something on a normal day wouldn’t usually bother you.

    I found you though ICLW. Thanks for sharing and I do have to say I LOVE your hair cut!! I wish I had the guts to cut mine that short. It is adorable

  6. Low Fat Lady

    I feel the same way, probably even more so. I haven’t really found a way to get over it yet though. Your not alone though 🙂

  7. Thanks all. I feel like I’ve been a real negative-Nancy lately. I’m hoping to go into this next week with a more positive attitude. All your kind words and support really help. And thanks to all you ICLW ladies for stopping by, don’t be strangers!

  8. It sure was lovely to see you yesterday. I wish you could have stayed for a while. Reading this post I realize how far apart we have drifted in the last three years, mostly because I have been out of the loop for the hardest parts of your ast two years. Here is to being closer (and maybe in actual location as well).

  9. kieren

    you know what? i am actually ok with bar/porn store babies. more so than any other babies. in fact, i would say this to any new mother; if you want me to like your baby, introduce it to me in a porny environment. otherwise i’ll probably think it’s a whiny asshole. one day i hope to be booze-store babymama.

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