When babydust works…for others

One of my best friends has also struggled with infertility.  She’s the one that first taught me about the wonder (and personal hell) that is fertilityfriend. We’ve cried over periods that won’t come, temperatures that drop too quickly, friends getting pregnant w/ their 3rd and 4th children when we haven’t even had one. (Yes, as happy as we may sound on the phone, you are breaking our hearts with all your babies. But, I’m a Socialist at heart, and think everyone that wants one should get one before they start getting handed out in multiples. Hence my great disdain for those damn Duggars. Why they gotta steal all my babies?)

Anyway, it’s pretty rare that when anyone I know gets pregnant (and it happens A LOT in my world, lousy fertile Mormons…) I don’t have a twinge of envy. I am capable of having joy for these people, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it hurt, sometimes more than others. When I found out that this particular friend was having a baby, though, I was purely joyful. In fact, I think I can safely say that it was the first time in my life that I have been that happy for another person, sans envy.

Her being pregnant has actually been a big relief for me. Gives me hope that it’s possible. The same goes for my sister, who got pregnant a few months into her marriage, but who has struggled with reproductive problems far worse than my own. I couldn’t be upset because her situation gave me hope.

I’m trying to be less of a cynical bitch in life, especially in relation to those who can seemingly pop babies out at will, but it’s really hard. It’s not like coveting a home or a car or a wardrobe (which I do a-plenty), and it’s not even like wanting someone else’s body (oh, I wish I had her abs/arms/skin/etc.). Those types of desires seem so shallow and meaningless when you know what it’s like to want something so badly that it hurts.  I don’t know how it’s possible to miss things that you have never had, but it feels like missing a part of you, all of the time.  But, successes of people who have been trying really do give me hope, and help me have a better attitude toward the rest of the procreators.

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5 Comments

Filed under infertility, success

5 responses to “When babydust works…for others

  1. Amen, I totally feel you! I have dealt with enough infertility to understand that pain you just described. The feeling that you have lost something you never had. When Quinn was 6 months, Tim said something about he would die if she went away. I explained that I felt that way about her for a year BEFORE she was conceived. The pain is unbearable, as if you have lost a child every month. It is too much for me. I can”t complain since I got two babies, but I hope I am never infertile again. The minute McKenna came out of me, I started worrying all over again. AHHH!!!! She is 8 weeks, and I have already taken a P test. What the hell is wrong with me!

  2. I must confess, I find it much easier to be happier for someone who gets pregnant after battling infertility than I do when someone just “gets” pregnant. It’s totally my issue, I know, but I can’t help it.

    Your last paragraph really resonated with me. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss things you’ve never had – but you do. You really do. The girls who have success in the world of IF give me hope too.

    But for the record – being cynical is okay sometimes….right??

  3. @fertilitychick i don’t know if it’s okay, but i’m certainly on Team Cynic. and anybody who thinks being cynical is wrong can shove it.

    @jill no pee tests at 8 weeks. seriously. can people even MAKE babies at 8 weeks after baby? i don’t even know how that WORKS?

  4. Mindy

    You hit the nail on the head! (I was mad at the Duggars AND the pregnant teens! Thieves!)But there is another side to this, for me atleast: And then after you FINALLY get pregnant, it is so, so exciting. But then in a way you feel a bit like a traitor…

  5. @mindysue i am afraid of feeling like a traitor, especially after having made such great friends and having such a strong support system with other women who struggle. i’ve always hated leaving people behind, and i feel like i would be overwhelmed by that feeling. it kind of reminds me of “are you there god, it’s me margaret”. i just have to pray that when (i don’t use if) i do get pregnant, my friends will be as supportive of me as i hope i will be of them.

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