Psychosomatic Symptoms

One of the more tragic aspects of PCOS is an erratic menstrual cycle. Since you don’t know when Auntie is coming to visit, you trick yourself into believing that your body is normal, and that you cycle every 28 days. This leads to what I call the “I’m Pregnant…I know it…crazies”.

At around day 28, I start getting antsy. I’m convinced my boobs are tender (they aren’t). I start getting nauseous. I’m EXHAUSTED. I have super-smell, where every scent is too strong, and I continually smell wet metal. I love to complain about these things, as the usual response is, “Well, maybe you’re pregnant.” Something about other people confirming my hopes really does it for me. Makes me feel a little less batshit, you know?

And then I start the peeing. I finally smartened up and bought a bunch of dollar store pregnancy tests, since I was tired of wasting so much money on Nos. I’ve managed to wean myself of this one, but for awhile, it was bad. I would take them every day, and always, “No.”

This got a lot better once I started BBT charting. Being able to see whether or not I ovulated let me know whether or not I had a chance of being pregnant, regardless of my symptoms. Unfortunately this turned into a whole different kind of crazy. I became obsessive about my temperature. I would wake up at 545, take my temperature and then obsess about what it could mean. I have had complete breakdowns over temperature drops. Like sobbing, on the floor, BREAKDOWNS. It’s a horrible cycle (heh). I would put so much stock into so-called “ovulatory” symptoms that it would be crushing when I was wrong.

I stopped that, as well. It was just too much for the crazy-making. I haven’t really been monitoring my ovulation that much, lately. Just tried to be consistent with the wonky-tonky. But, I am going in to the doctor on Wednesday, and we are going to have the Clomid talk (in case you don’t remember my crazies last time, go back a few posts). It was REALLY bad on 50 mg, but I didn’t ovulate, so I’m thinking she’ll up the dosage. (Let’s keep our fingers crossed on this one, shall we?) Anyway, I’m thinking that with the Clomid, I should really be monitoring my ovulation, so over the weekend I bought one of these bad boys:

SCIENCE!

SCIENCE!

I’m really hoping that being able to see if I’m nearing ovulation will help keep the crazies at bay (chances are good I’ll just become obsessive and do it like 14 times a day).

Any of my struggling sisters used one of these? Successes in predicting the O? Did it make you feel like a genius scientist?

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9 Comments

Filed under clomid, crazy, ovulation

9 responses to “Psychosomatic Symptoms

  1. I have never used one of those – but will be curious to hear how you find it! I HATE using the BBT. Being a fellow PCOS’er – my charts have always looked, well, crazy. I am due to starting temping again next month and dread the thought. I’m hoping my chart will look less erratic – but I can definitely relate to the meltdowns and frustrations.

    As always, loving your blog. I don’t know if my email gets published for you – but feel free to email any time to discuss the naturopathic ‘stuff!’

    Oh, and not sure if you’re into the whole blog awards thing, but I’ve got one for you because you’re just that awesome in my books! You can drop by my blog sometime to check it out!

  2. It’s always hard to keep from obsessing. My favorite idees fixes were always spot-tracking (i.e. obsessively checking myself for signs of the evil spots that dogged me for years) and temping. You really start to get sucked into a whole alternate universe of mindfuck.

    That’s the one good thing about treatment–the obsessiveness is all up to someone else. It was oddly comforting after years of feeling responsible for yet frustrated with my body.

  3. Temperature drops are the worst! It’s like our body ruins the surprise telling us we are not pregnant early on. I am not a fan of charting but I can’t help but do it anyways! đŸ™‚

  4. I have PCOS so I can relate. My cycles are always irregular, but when I was on Clomid it was regular. Clomid didn’t work for us though. Four IUI cycles and two miscarriages later, my cycles are still irregular and we’re getting ready to start IVF #1.

    TTC is no fun when everyone in your ward at church is either pregnant or just had a baby!

    Good luck!

  5. Low Fat Lady

    I’ve never used one of them before, but good luck! PCOS is major pain isn’t it.

  6. Low Fat Lady

    I wanted to let you know that I have awarded you the One Lovely Blog Award. Come to my blog to receive your award.

  7. thank you for the sweetness of the awarding, @lowfatlady. where is your blog? (your comment link just shows your email to me).

  8. @infertilenaomi i think my husband thought i was at my most crazy when i first started crying over dropped temperatures, but it’s just this glaring bit of evidence that things aren’t as they are supposed to be. it has saved my sanity (and possibly my marriage) to have stopped charting.

  9. @shinejil i wish i could give the obsessiveness to someone else. even though they might be able to tell me what’s wrong, what should be happening, how to fix it, etc. i’m still neurotic enough to tell myself that they are wrong and that things won’t ever be right. if the secret works, i’m doing most of the damage myself w/ my crappy attitude.

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