Hi Little One,
Yesteday, I was a wreck. It’s taken me until now to calm down, to feel okay about everything. I am telling you, living my life without xanax is a whole new world. I have nothing to pull me out of my own head and I always imagine the worst possible things, so I rarely let myself enjoy the miracle that is happening.
It was so nice to get to see you yesterday. You’re still so tiny, the nurse said “like a cinnamon bear.” we got to see your little arms and legs, hear your little heart beat (so fast!) and see your big head!
As much as the panicking and freaking out was awful, it was such a nice peace of mind to get to see that everything was okay yesterday. I have something to keep me sane until we hear your heart again at the 12 week appointment (coming so soon!), and until we find out whether or not you’re a boy or a girly.
I’ve started collecting things for you. I’ve got a box full of clothes (for boys and girls) and I got your co-sleeper. I’m slowly getting ready for you, tiny one, and things will pick up after we get out of this 1st trimester.
Sometimes…okay, all the time, I can’t believe it’s real, that you’re really, finally coming. It makes me so incredibly happy. I feel so blessed to be part of your miracle.
Thank you for knowing that I need to feel sick every now and again to know that you’re okay, for letting me get to the point where I start getting nervous, then throwing in a bout of nausea, or letting me sleep for hours when I get home from work. It helps me remember that it’s real.
It was wonderful to have your dad there to hear your heartbeat yesterday. I’m hoping it made it a little more real for him, too. He has so much more faith (though, he probably wouldn’t call it that) in this process and that things will be okay. He keeps me sane, that daddy of yours.
Keep the growing up, baby kid.