For my own sanity, I have moved. Blogspace, that is. I’m sorry if you’re one of my few reader subscribers that is going to have to change the address. I’m a real bitch sometimes. New Blog! New Design (ever-changing, I’m sure)! New Thoughts! Real Content (coming soon)!
Please set your readers/links/etc. (and thanks) to
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Prepare to see some changes ’round these parts. Yes, I’ll probably change the way things look, but more importantly I think I’ll be changing the way that I write.
I have to admit, that the writing I do here is not my best. It’s nowhere close to my best. Often, it’s a quick little 10 minutes in the middle of my work day that I just ramble off. Hell, I don’t even spell-check. I realized that while I have really liked some of the aspects of what I’ve been writing, most of it is bad. Bad, bad writing. While I appreciate the potential for this to serve as a record, a kind of journal-y space, it certainly hasn’t been something that I’m proud of, and I doubt things have gotten fairly boring for you, dear readers. Well, consider this a solemn vow. An INTERNET vow, which we all know is super binding. I’ll try and spend a little more time crafting my posts, try and be a little more witty, and a lot more interesting.
So, stay tuned. Hopefully we have much better things to look forward to together.
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I am so much more sane when I don’t read baby/pregnancy websites. Seriously. Every week I get the update on the babe (FETUS! NO MORE EMBRYO! WOOHOOO!) and usually I follow the link to Babycenter’s website. Sure, I like knowing what size the little one is in comparison to a piece of fruit (kumquat!) but the majority of the rest of the site is devoted to stuff that makes me panic. Especially the message boards, where pregnant women go to rile up each other’s crazy bones.
I’ve been feeling really good since the ultrasound (save the fact that I think my lower back/hips are permanently out of joint), and I think a big part of that is having stayed away from that horrible website. I went on this morning because I got my email update, peeked into the message board, and automatically started getting panicky.
While I think it’s nice to have a support system, especially one that’s online, where you know the people are going through the exact same thing as you (if it weren’t for the IF community, I don’t know how I would have made it to here), but, man alive if that just doesn’t start me hyperventilating (and I wouldn’t be surprised if the same held true for most other moms-to-be). So. No more babycenter, other than my fruit updates. It’s a promise(ish…what can I say, sometimes I have to freak myself out…).
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I noticed last night that when I move about, it’s not as easy, because I’ve got this, shall we say “enlarged,” organ nestled in my pelvis. Certain twists and turns rock my world (in the painful way). I’m also experiencing round ligament pain. Who knew?
Things are starting to feel more real, even though I’m, for the most part, feeling less sick. The ultrasound did some good for my sanity and I’m just enjoying being pregnant (at least for now).
I’m starting to feel more NORMAL, too. I had enough energy to actually clean my kitchen and make a cake last night (though, apparently I didn’t have enough energy to frost it like a human. Huge globs of whipped cream count, right?) I also managed to not take my 6 PM nap (though, I did take my 9 PM one).
I’m hoping that my energy can stay up so I can actually start exercising again (Ash and I have been walking a little bit, but I’d like to be swimming and lifting weights. Strengthen this core, you know?) We shall see how the weeks progress.
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Hi Little One,
Yesteday, I was a wreck. It’s taken me until now to calm down, to feel okay about everything. I am telling you, living my life without xanax is a whole new world. I have nothing to pull me out of my own head and I always imagine the worst possible things, so I rarely let myself enjoy the miracle that is happening.
It was so nice to get to see you yesterday. You’re still so tiny, the nurse said “like a cinnamon bear.” we got to see your little arms and legs, hear your little heart beat (so fast!) and see your big head!
As much as the panicking and freaking out was awful, it was such a nice peace of mind to get to see that everything was okay yesterday. I have something to keep me sane until we hear your heart again at the 12 week appointment (coming so soon!), and until we find out whether or not you’re a boy or a girly.
I’ve started collecting things for you. I’ve got a box full of clothes (for boys and girls) and I got your co-sleeper. I’m slowly getting ready for you, tiny one, and things will pick up after we get out of this 1st trimester.
Sometimes…okay, all the time, I can’t believe it’s real, that you’re really, finally coming. It makes me so incredibly happy. I feel so blessed to be part of your miracle.
Thank you for knowing that I need to feel sick every now and again to know that you’re okay, for letting me get to the point where I start getting nervous, then throwing in a bout of nausea, or letting me sleep for hours when I get home from work. It helps me remember that it’s real.
It was wonderful to have your dad there to hear your heartbeat yesterday. I’m hoping it made it a little more real for him, too. He has so much more faith (though, he probably wouldn’t call it that) in this process and that things will be okay. He keeps me sane, that daddy of yours.
Keep the growing up, baby kid.
Love you,
Mamacita
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Dear Pregnant or pregnant to be readers,
Google is not your friend during pregnancy. You would think I would have learned this lesson long ago, after incorrectly diagnosing myself with a myriad of problems, but no. The problem w/ pregnancy is there are so many crazy things happening inside of you and you don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t.
After starting to really freak out about my combination of symptoms (sharp lower back pain, pain in thighs, shoulder pain) I called my doctor’s office. They wanted me to come in for a scan to make sure I wasn’t having an ectopic pregnancy. I tried to convince myself that it was an unfortunate series of coincidences of symptoms, but when they called to get me in TODAY I started panicking. I broke down in my husband’s office, terrified, because even after I told the nurse that I had already had an ultrasound where they ruled out an ectopic, she said that was so early that it would have been very easy to miss.
So, the husb and I journeyed to AF (by the way, Legacy OBGYN is pretty damn rad!) me carrying a VERY full bladder and a shitload of anxiety. We did the standard ultrasound and baby looks good! A nice strong heartbeat at 173, and measuring right on target. To get a better look at the ovaries and tubes to really rule out an ectopic, I had to meet the old transvag wand again. I actually have no problems w/ transvags…I prefer them to standard ultrasounds because I don’t have to have a full bladder, and what’s the big deal, right? Anyway, things looked good. I had what the tech called a corpus luteum cyst, but she said that was a good thing because it keeps telling my body to make progesterone, but that it could have been a reason for some of my tenderness.
Anyway, panic for no reason. Well, no bad reason. I’m just supposed to take some tylenol, get a heat pad, and take it easy, and call my doctor if it gets worse. Which it won’t. Because I’m not freaking out, anymore…
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The past few days I have been in such a panic because I’ve been feeling really, REALLY good. I’m always convinced that sign x and sign y are manifestations of miscarriage or something else horrific. I wish I could just drop the anxiety and relish in the fact that I am pregnant. I am trying really hard, but it’s so terrifying to think of losing the babe.
Well yesterday, baby gave me some of the confirmation I have been needing. It was a rough one filled w/ mood swings and back pain and pain in my hips and headaches and nausea and tiredness…you name it. If it’s in the pregnancy symptom gamut, I had it yesterday, so I had to take a day off so I wouldn’t explode.
The weirdest pain is in my back/butt. It’s right at the top of my butt, but super deep, then it extends up, and over my hips down the front of my thighs. Apparently, according to the wise, wise internets, it is not sciatica. Regardless, I was having a big strug yesterday.
I’m thinking of sucking it up and buying one of those ridiculous pregnancy pillows. Right now I have a huge nest of regular pillows, but, the ones behind my back won’t stay put, and the ones between my legs and such aren’t quite thick enough (even doubled up). Sleeping on my side is really the only option anymore, since sleeping on the frontside hurts, and sleeping on my back has never been that successful. Any recommendations on those giant pregnancy pillows?
I’m glad to be having some symptoms back. I get so worried, so easily, that I am very grateful to have this until I can hear baby’s heartbeat again/feel her/him moving. Only 3 weeks until my 12 week…
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